Something is wrong

3 min read

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My mind goes back
To the road I used to know
Memories that are so prevalent
In a lifetime long ago

Somehow it always comes back to this
Somehow it always comes back to you
But I know at this point
I'm just blaming you
I can't keep blaming you

Maybe you used to be
All of my problems
Maybe you used to be
All of my fears
But I can't keep chasing a memory

I can hardly tell what is wrong anymore
And every time I'm alone
I feel like breaking
I can't open up anymore
I can't even talk to myself about my problems
I don't even know what they are

And everyone always says to talk about your feelings
But I can't because when I feel,
It comes at me in a rush
And the thoughts, the words, the memories,
The scenes that play in my mind
They rush by so fast
It feels like a twister
And all I can do is cry
And try to remember how to breathe

I'm always afraid that one day
I'll forget how to breathe
How do you forget how to breathe?
I don't know.
But sometimes it seems like I can't breathe

And sometimes I feel like I am sick
Not sick like having a cold.
Sick like having something terminal

Sometimes when I lay in bed at night,
I can feel my heart beat.
But the beat feels wrong
It feels off balance
It feels too fast or too slow
And I don't know why

I think there's something wrong with me
But I can't go to the doctor
Because I don't know how to describe it

And I really need to talk to someone
But I don't know how
I don't even know how to talk to myself
I don't even know what's going on.

I don't know so much
That all I can do is repeat myself
And I feel like it will never be enough.

When the tears are falling,
I can't breathe.
Really I can't.
My throat is dry
And I have to force the air into my lungs.
But my lungs don't want the air
And my brain hurts

And sometimes I wonder why I don't just
Let my lungs tell me what to do
Sometimes I wonder how I keep on breathing

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